Little Angels Pre-School Mass Shooting Survival Tips
Become the teacher’s pet.
All staff at Little Angels Pre-School carry concealed weapons to ensure student safety. It is recommended that children be on their best behavior at all times. Class clownery will not be tolerated. Use of force is authorized to maintain classroom control.
Become BFFs with the least popular kids in class.
Studies have shown that the least popular kids are the ones most likely to sacrifice themselves in times of crisis so that everyone else can live.
Contribute to our rock collection.
Each child is expected to add at least ten rocks to the classroom pile each day. Should an event occur, the rocks will be used as a first line of defense against the shooter. Rock throwing practice is to replace recess and outdoor play immediately.
Bang Bang You’re Dead Training for Tots.
Little Angels is proud to incorporate an NRA-approved infant and toddler friendly AR-15 assault rifle care and use training program in our curriculum.
Thoughts and Prayers.
If all security measures in place fail, encourage your child to silently pray that he or she will survive the shooting event while whimpering silently in their hiding place. If your family has a non-religious household, then we suggest that they can just think about their survival instead.
Note: Any form of protest or expression of displeasure with the current gun laws inside or outside of school hours WILL NOT be tolerated at Little Angels Pre-School Academy. Any such activity is grounds for immediate expulsion.